Discovering that we are gay is often described as an inner journey that confronts us with who we really are. For some, this journey is gradual; for others it comes as a sudden revelation. Regardless of how quickly or when it occurs, the act of acknowledging one’s sexuality marks the beginning of a journey that is as personal as it is universal. It is a journey that inevitably brings us face to face with the world of relationships and intimacy, a world that, although often celebrated in the media, is far more complex in reality.
When I came out to a friend of mine, her response struck me deeply. She told me, “The world of relationships is difficult for everyone, but I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for a gay person.” That comment resonated within me, not because I was seeking sympathy or understanding, but because, in those few words, there was an undeniable truth: being part of the LGBTQIA+ community brings with it unique challenges. These challenges are not only about finding a partner, but also about how we approach ourselves and others, often with the shadow of the uncertainties that society imparts to us.
We live in a society that, despite advances, continues to impose heteronormative norms and rigid expectations of what is considered “normal” in relationships. For those in the LGBTQIA+ community, this often means growing up in a context in which one’s desire for love
We live in a society that, despite advances, continues to impose heteronormative norms and rigid expectations of what is considered “normal” in relationships. For those in the LGBTQIA+ community, this often means growing up in an environment where one’s desire for love and intimacy is considered “different,” and sometimes even wrong. Although times are changing, with greater acceptance and representation, many of us are still struggling with guilt, fear of rejection, and the pressure to adapt to a world that is not always ready to accept us.
This social pressure is inevitably reflected in our relationships. Often, we find ourselves navigating a world that has not taught us how to be fully ourselves in relationships. We feel fragmented, “broken” inside, with pieces of ourselves that we try to hide or have not yet learned to accept. The process of healing, discovery and building authentic relationships is for many a long and painful journey of failure, misunderstanding and broken hearts. I confess that at first I did not understand those on dating apps who wrote “looking for a resolved person,” but as I continue this journey I realize more and more that I have met a lot of “unresolved” people who still did not quite know who they were, who had not finished their inner journey and therefore declared themselves bisexual even when they clearly were not, people who were living a second life, and still others who were stuck “on the other side.”
Relationships in general are complex, regardless of sexual orientation, but when you add the weight of social expectations and inner fears, the load often becomes unbearable. It is common to hear that “love is love,” but the reality is that not all love experiences are the same. Love between two gay people, for example, is often steeped in internal and external struggle. On the one hand, there is the natural desire for connection and affection; on the other hand, there is the fear of judgment, rejection and violence, which has been an integral part of the lives of many members of the community.
In a sense, we are all a bit “broken,” not only as individuals but also as a society. Our relationships, whether straight or homosexual, reflect this brokenness, this inability to truly understand each other. We approach each other with unrealistic expectations, with unhealed scars, and often with an inability to openly communicate our needs and desires. In the world of relationships, clarity and honesty are crucial. Not only to avoid misunderstandings or disappointments, but also because, in a world that already suffocates our existence, we should be the first to ensure that we can have authentic and healthy relationships. This means learning to communicate clearly, without fear of exposing our vulnerabilities or facing our mistakes.
Too often, out of fear of rejection or judgment, we hold back from saying what we really feel.
We compromise with ourselves, hoping the other person will understand, but in most cases, this lack of clarity ends up creating even deeper wounds.As my friend told me, in such a difficult world, we need to be honest not only to avoid bad karma, but because it is our right to live in relationships based on trust and communication.
Relationships, as we know, are never perfect. There will always be misunderstandings, mistakes and difficult times.But what makes the difference is not the ability to apologize, but the constant effort to be there, to try to repair what is broken, even when it seems impossible.Often, we think that just saying “sorry” is enough to soothe the pain we have caused, but the reality is that, in a world of broken relationships, only constant presence and genuine effort to repair can really make a difference.
Being present means taking a step back, setting aside one’s ego and facing the shame of bad choices.
It is not easy.
It is a process that requires courage and humility, but it is essential to building relationships that last. We cannot expect others to forgive us or forget our mistakes, but we can demonstrate through our actions that we are willing to do anything to make it right.One of the biggest obstacles in relationships, especially in LGBTQIA+ relationships, is shame.It is a feeling that many of us carry inside since childhood, when we realized we were “different” and began to hide parts of ourselves to avoid being judged.This shame does not magically disappear with coming out. Often, it remains there, silent, ready to resurface whenever we feel inadequate or when we make mistakes in relationships.
Facing shame takes time and patience.
It means accepting that we are not perfect, that we will make mistakes, but that does not make us less worthy of love and respect.It also means learning to forgive ourselves for the wrong choices we have made and to constantly work to improve.
Discovering that we are gay is just the beginning of a long journey.A journey that brings us face to face not only with ourselves, but also with a world that is often not ready to accept us.But it is also a journey that teaches us the importance of love, communication and honesty.
In a world of often fragmented and broken relationships, we must be the first to try to build authentic and meaningful connections.We must learn to communicate clearly, put ourselves out there, and right our wrongs with commitment and humility. Only then can we hope to find the love and happiness we all deserve, regardless of who we are or who we love.
If you have come this far, you understand that it is hard, which is why you need to make sure you are kind, especially to those who have already done a lot of work on themselves and have clear ideas.Always communicate with sincerity because it’s a snap to hurt someone, especially when dynamics made up of kissing, caressing and mutual affection are involved.
