Author: NastyFog

Disco Inferno, my first evening on a gay disco

Ah, club nights. Loud music, soft lights reflecting off moving bodies, and that constant expectation of fun and connection that makes you feel like anything is possible. I was excited to have my first experience in a gay disco in a long time (let’s make it 15 years?), a place where, in theory, freedom, inclusion and, why not, some interesting encounters are celebrated. But, as life teaches … sometimes things don’t go as planned. I enter Flexo in Padua for my first time (during the popular Beardoc night, which I had enjoyed a lot this summer at Pride Village), the bass of electronic music already vibrating under my feet. The space is small, dimly lit, and already crowded. The first thing that strikes me is to recognize some familiar faces, but not because we were friends. They were faces I had met on various dating apps and indeed I was pleased to see them in person. I thought, naively, that this would make it easier to break the ice, a kind of “hey, we already know each other, or don’t we?” However, as per my friend and companion’s warning, I notice that none of them come up to greet me. There is only a dance of quick glances, of those glances that last a second longer than necessary, but nothing more. …

The vulnerability of people who are resolved

Photo By Christian Sterck / Unsplash

Discovering that we are gay is often described as an inner journey that confronts us with who we really are. For some, this journey is gradual; for others it comes as a sudden revelation. Regardless of how quickly or when it occurs, the act of acknowledging one’s sexuality marks the beginning of a journey that is as personal as it is universal. It is a journey that inevitably brings us face to face with the world of relationships and intimacy, a world that, although often celebrated in the media, is far more complex in reality. When I came out to a friend of mine, her response struck me deeply. She told me, “The world of relationships is difficult for everyone, but I can’t even imagine how difficult it is for a gay person.” That comment resonated within me, not because I was seeking sympathy or understanding, but because, in those few words, there was an undeniable truth: being part of the LGBTQIA+ community brings with it unique challenges. These challenges are not only about finding a partner, but also about how we approach ourselves and others, often with the shadow of the uncertainties that society imparts to us. We live in a society that, despite advances, continues to impose heteronormative norms and rigid expectations of what is considered “normal” in relationships. …

If you ever thought you were gay, then ...

If you ever felt gay read this

LISTENING TO: If I ever feel better – Phoenix I remember that night well, the night I turned 21. I had just come home from one of the coolest birthday parties ever. I had booked a night at a disco with a pool. Needless to say, before midnight I had ended up in the water with half of my guests, and the new CK clothes my mom had decided to give me were all ruined from too much exposure to chlorine. I loaded Telépopmusic’s “Breathe” onto my CD player and started thinking about life going by, four o’clock in the morning, what I had done and what I wanted to do and be. And I remember very well that there was that little voice, deep down … that I didn’t want to listen to and that I said to myself, “no to this thing I will never give space and it will never be part of me” just ignore it and I will be like everybody else. At that time I was dating more than a few girls in college, yet I felt something was wrong, I was watching all the people close to me starting relationships, kissing and being happy. I somehow got off to a good start, at least at that time, but then when things started to get …

Coming Out

coming out as a gay guy

I don’t think I ever thought about the whole process of coming out until it was right in front of me, like an unspoken deadline looming over my head. The funny thing is, no one was waiting on it but me. I had built it up into this massive, earth-shattering moment in my mind, but the world wasn’t in a rush for me to blurt it out. That’s the thing about coming out—it feels like it should be this climactic event, and sometimes it is, but most times, it’s not a party or a grand announcement. It’s a quiet realization, more internal than anything. People talk a lot about the pressure of coming out, and yeah, I felt that too. It’s this odd weight, like you’re carrying around a secret that grows heavier the longer you hold it. But the truth is, no one is demanding it of you. There’s no rulebook that says you have to come out at a certain age or tell certain people. You can tell everyone, or no one at all, and both options are perfectly valid. When I first came out, I expected everything to change. I thought it would be like crossing some kind of invisible threshold where suddenly, everything would make sense, where my identity would be fully realized, not just to me …

Where are the Singles?

Same Sex Marriages, Same Sex Couple

The Value of Loyalty in the Gay Community: The Resistance I’ve often wondered if loyalty holds a different meaning, or perhaps a deeper resonance, within the gay community compared to others. Then, while scrolling through yet another dating app, I came across yet another profile of a couple looking for a “third” to spice up their relationship. In the last three months, seven couples have asked me to “be their third,” and suddenly, as I looked at my list of messages flooded with couples, I started to reflect: When did loyalty become a concept for three? Don’t get me wrong: I’m not here to judge. Throuples, or “triads,” are legitimate and bring happiness to many. But I found myself wondering if this might point to a deeper trend. Perhaps in a community that has often fought for acceptance, sexual and relational freedom has become a sort of safe haven. But does this mean that loyalty—good old-fashioned loyalty between two—has gone out of style? Have we all become part of a game where infidelity is accepted, even promoted? What happened to the concept of the monogamous couple, which many of us, for years, saw as the ideal destination? Or maybe infidelity doesn’t exist anymore, if everything is consensual and openly discussed? An old saying comes to mind: cheating only exists if someone …

The Number 2

I kept nothing of you, no photos or gifts, nothing that could come back to hurt. I deleted even that beautiful photo that I jealously kept for myself, the one you used on dating apps, where you definitely came out at your best, the same one that you also deleted from your profiles, because you could see your face clearly, maybe to hide when you still log into the apps, to look for who knows what, maybe something that underneath you still miss, but that is definitely no longer my business to understand. I associated a song with my first and last ex, and one day while driving home I happened to hear the one that from now on will be associated with you. Secretly, by Skunk Anansie really speaks so much about us, about that secrecy in which we both felt most comfortable, about finding ourselves in bed with someone and wanting more, in that “You had to do someone else” I hear all the anger of realizing that in fact I for you was an interlude, a teaching, but not someone to stop for. We met on a dark evening in late October, in a bar on the Valsugana, open 24/7, that served rather disgusting cicchetti and used too much detergent to clean the tables, making them so annoyingly …